


Heart to Heart

by jeweldancer



Series: Cas and Dean [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Demisexuality, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Fluff, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, anxiety about sex, anxiety attack, demi!cas, demisexual!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 23:50:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4584930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeweldancer/pseuds/jeweldancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel are having a date night, but things don't go as planned. Due to a misunderstanding, Castiel finds himself having an anxiety attack in Dean's apartment, and Dean comforts him. Ends in fluff. So much fluff. Please let me know if you like it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart to Heart

Dean was all set for a good Friday night. He was able to leave work on time--that didn't always happen when you were the business owner--and traffic wasn't too bad. Sammy was spending the night at Jess's house. He'd showered and changed and ordered the pizza in record time, and was now anxiously awaiting Cas's arrival. They were going to start re-watching the X-Files in preparation for the mini-series in a few months. Dean had been a big fan back in the day; Cas had been a more casual watcher, but he found it adorable that Dean was that excited about something nerdy. Being able to spend many evenings cuddling on the couch was a bonus.

Cas had only been with Dean for a few weeks, but he was already falling hard. Dean was always understanding and gentle with him. Cas hadn't known that guys like that actually existed. Dean knew when to go slow with him. When they sat on the couch together, Dean would lay his hand, palm up, in between them, letting Cas take his hand when he felt comfortable. Later, Dean would prop his arm up on the back of the couch and wait for Cas to lean in before he wrapped his arm around him. He always asked permission before kissing him, and his kisses were always sweet and undemanding. 

Dean felt blissfully content whenever Cas was with him. He loved how Cas listened to him, really listened, blue eyes bright with interest and concern. He liked watching Cas draw and paint; to someone who did not possess those talents, Cas's hands seemed magical. Dean was fiercely protective of Cas already, and he ached for Cas to feel happy and safe with him.

Dean worried about Cas; he knew that was weird, worrying about the well-being of a guy he'd known for such a short time. But Cas was different from everyone else. Dean knew that he needed to take things slowly with Cas, but he also knew that Castiel was well worth it. Dean felt that Cas was, underneath his shy exterior, a deep well of love and strength. He had never known anyone like that before, and he felt sure he would not again. He had to get this right; he could not mess things up.

When Cas arrived at the apartment, he was holding a pecan pie picked up from The Roadhouse, and he was beaming because this was another evening he could be near Dean. 

"Pecan? Babe, you're the best," Dean told him as he pressed a soft kiss to Cas's temple, and Cas thought he would die of happiness.

"I'll put it in the kitchen until we get ready to eat it," Cas replied, a little proud that he was a frequent enough guest at Dean's home to be able to enter the kitchen without asking first. Almost like he was family. The pizza arrived while he was taking the pie out of the white cardboard box and displaying it on the counter. 

Dean had an ulterior motive for inviting Cas over when Sam was away; he wanted to have...well, a heart to heart with him. Dean wasn't great with talking about relationships and "chick flick" stuff, but God, this thing with Cas could be the most important thing he'd ever done, and he had to know that Cas understood how he felt about him. Dean set the pizza on the coffee table and knew immediately he was too nervous to eat. He'd have to talk first. Damn.

"Hey, Cas?" he called into the kitchen. "When you get done in there, I need to talk to you."

Cas froze in the midst of stacking plates and napkins for the pizza. Well, shit. In his experience, 'We need to talk' was never a good thing. He'd had this talk with three other people, and each time it had been 'You're a really nice guy, but this just isn't working out.' His breathing quickened, and he knew that if he didn't calm down, an anxiety attack was going to follow soon. 

Well, he didn't have to stay to hear Dean say the same old shit, and have Dean feel sorry for him as he hyperventilated. If he snuck out now, he could make it to his car and have some privacy as he freaked out. Cas stepped quietly down the hall to the door, willing himself to breathe slowly and deeply.

"Cas? Where are you going?" Damn. Dean had caught him in the act. "Did you forget something in your car?"

Cas opened and closed his mouth, but was unable to get any sounds out. 

"Are you okay, man? Were you...were you leaving?" Dean looked hurt and a little frightened, then he took in Cas's obvious distress. "Wait. You're not okay. Cas. C'mere, man. C'mere and sit down."

Dean touched Castiel's shoulder gently and guided him to the couch. He was automatically reaching for Cas's hand when he stopped. "Cas. Is it okay if I touch you right now?"

Cas nodded shakily, and Dean took his hands, gripping them firmly. "Castiel. I'm here, okay? Just keep breathing. Deep breaths." Dean's thumbs were rubbing the backs of Cas's hands, and Cas felt that it was all that was helping him hold on right then. 

Dean's chest felt tight, and it hurt him a little to breathe. He wanted to throw his arms around Cas, pull him close and rock him to sleep. It took all the willpower he had to simply sit there quietly and stroke Cas's hands, but he knew that was what Cas needed at the moment. 

After several minutes, Cas's breathing became more regular and he relaxed. Dean let go of his hands and went to the kitchen, coming back with a glass of water and a straw. Cas accepted the water and drank it slowly through the straw, grateful that Dean had somehow known he wouldn't be able to sip from the glass with his shaking hands.

"Better?" Dean asked quietly.

"Much better. I'm almost okay. I'm so sorry..."

"Cas. Nothing to be sorry about. Can you tell me what happened?"

Cas looked at him incredulously. "You said we needed to talk. Isn't that code for, 'I don't want to see you anymore?'"

Dean's face turned pale. "Cas. No. God, no. That isn't what I wanted to say at all. Shit. I'm the one who's sorry. I would never have done that if I'd known...has someone done that to you before?"

Cas looked at the floor. "Yes. They always start with 'We need to talk,' and then it's 'I like you, but'..." Cas swallowed hard. "'I like you, but you're too difficult.' 'I like you, but you have so many issues.' 'I like you, but I have needs that you're not able to satisfy.'"

Dean felt a wave of fury, and suddenly wanted to go beat the crap out of anyone who'd said such a thing to Cas. "Listen, Cas. Listen to me. Those people were complete morons. They were too stupid to appreciate how amazing you are." 

"What I was going to tell you was...I like you, AND I think you are kind and beautiful and strong and funny and wonderful. And I just wanted you to know how I felt." 

Cas felt tears creeping down his cheeks. "Dean, really? But you could have anyone, someone who's easier than me, someone who would have slept with you already...I know I'm weird and broken and..."

Dean placed a hand on Castiel's chest. "Stop right there. I want to talk to you about that, too. Now listen to me very carefully." He took Cas's hands again. "I never want to hear you say you're broken again. This is your body, and you get to decide what you're okay with. It's okay that you need to go slowly. And I will be as gentle and easy with you as I possibly can, but I want you to promise me something."

"If I ever do anything that you don't like, or that makes you uncomfortable in any way, even if it's something we've done before, I want you to tell me immediately. And I'll stop, no questions asked, no being angry with you. Because I never, ever, want to hurt you in any way. Promise me."

"Okay," Cas whispered. He was crying for real now. God, how embarrassing.

"No. Promise me."

"I promise."

"Can I ask you something else? It's okay if you don't want to answer."

"No, go ahead." Cas forced himself to meet Dean's gaze bravely.

"Cas, have you ever been with anyone before? I mean, in a..."

"It's okay, I know what you mean. And no. The answer is no."

"Shh, Cas. It's okay. I'm glad you could tell me that. And I want you to know that I'm not in a hurry for that. Just being with you is enough for me. We can take things as slow as you need to."

"Dean. Thank you. I want to do that, though, with you. It's just, I'm not like most people, I have to know someone really well before I can do that." Cas rubbed his eyes tiredly and then looked at Dean again. "Demi-sexual, is what they call somebody like me. They have a word for everything, these days. It helped, though, when I read about that. I didn't know there were other people like me."

"It's okay, Cas. I wanted to talk to you about that because I didn't want you to think you ever had to do something you didn't want to with me. I understand. And I want you to know, I'm going to take really good care of you. You don't ever have to be scared with me."

"Dean, could I ask you for something?"

"Anything at all, babe."

"Could you just hold me for a while?"

"Of course. As long as you want." 

Dean opened his arms and Cas crawled into them, nestling against his chest. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, and his hands rubbed slow circles on Cas's back. Cas made a half-sniffling, half-sobbing noise into Dean's shoulder. 

"Shh, I've got you now. You don't have to worry. I'm taking care of you." 

Cas decided to let him. He closed his eyes and let Dean rub his back and stroke his hair with a gentleness he would not have expected from a man with such strong, rough hands. 

In a few moments, Cas's breathing became slow and regular, and Dean realized he'd fallen asleep. He looked at Cas's peaceful, tear-stained face and noticed that he'd fallen asleep gripping part of Dean's shirt in his hand. 

Dean's heart felt like it twisted in his chest. That handful of t-shirt was the best thing he'd ever seen. Dean leaned over Cas and kissed his cheek very, very softly, so he wouldn't wake him. 

"I love you, Cas."


End file.
